I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
