I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
