I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
