I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
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