.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
