i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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