I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
