I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
