pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
