Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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