Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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