You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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