I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
