She's JV to your varsity
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
