that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
