i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
