He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
