I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
ttyl tear gas
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
