i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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