Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
