I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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