True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
