I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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