There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
