My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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