You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
