He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
