ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize