I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
