Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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