make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
