i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
