ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
