beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize