Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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