ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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