I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
