So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
it glows. i had to have it.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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