where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
