So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
