I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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