in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
