She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
