So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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