I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
