And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
