i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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