Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You are a genius and a whore.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
