YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
