am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
