I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
