shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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