She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
