She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
