Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
