So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
