You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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