can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
