Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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