I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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