What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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