I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize