Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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