Come see our sink grown plant.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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