i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Randomize
