the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
