Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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