Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
