I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize