I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
