He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize