I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
