Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
