I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
