Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
