Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
