can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize