I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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