I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
