things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
