i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
40s are totally the cure
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
