I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
