I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Someone signed my nipple.
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