remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
