The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
