My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
