So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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