He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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