Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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