The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
