i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
