he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize