Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
