Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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