why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize